The Old Man & The Queer, the transformative story of a retired mayor and the barber who freed him from bigotry

by Jeff Comerchero and E.J. Radford, independently published, 2024.

This is a dual memoir told by two very different people whose lives are transformed by an unlikely friendship.  Jeff Comerchero, in his mid-seventies, is a politically conservative retired city mayor and a CEO of a billion-dollar real estate development company.  E. J. Radford (who goes by the names Liz and Eli in the memoir) is a twenty-three-year-old barber who identifies as queer and non-binary.  Both Jeff and Eli live in the small town of Temecula, California, and meet because of a chance encounter when Jeff and his grown son are given gift certificates for an afternoon at a men’s hair spa which includes a haircut with a certified master barber a beard shaping and trim, and a hot towel with a steam shave.  Eli was the barber assigned to Jeff’s son.  Here are Jeff’s words upon seeing Eli for the very first time:

I did a double take; I couldn’t determine quite what I was seeing.  His barber was a lot younger than mine, not even looking old enough to be a certified anything.  To make matters more confusing for me, determining what gender this person was seemed impossible.  What was certain, however, was that the barber had tattoos covering nearly every inch of their skin, including a giant moth-looking thing wrapping around their neck.  There was also a nose ring and other facial piercings that took me by surprise and what looked like projectiles shooting out the ears.  All I could think was that I would never have let this barber put a hand on me.  It pains me to say it now, but at that moment, I found their personal style repulsive.  Even so, I do have to admit that my son, who is a handsome young man to begin with, did look even better afterward.  Even with my personal opinion, I couldn’t deny that whoever, or whatever, his barber was, he or she was certainly good at their craft. 

After Jeff got home that day, he started to feel uneasy and ashamed about what he was thinking and feeling as he had never thought of himself as being prejudiced in any way, yet his initial thoughts about this barber at the hair salon made him question that he truly was biased.  Five weeks later, Jeff booked his first appointment with Eli, in hopes of getting to know them better, understanding what made them tick, and overcoming what he now identified as his own bigotry.

The book proceeds with alternating chapters, as the reader learns the personal histories of both Jeff and Eli.  The reader learns about Jeff’s humble beginnings, born into a poor Jewish family in Brooklyn, through his teen years in the 1960’s, serving in the Vietnam War, and then his settling in California with marriage, successful business and political careers, and being elected the mayor of Temecula, then on to retirement and non-profit activism.  Concerning Eli, the reader learns they were born to devote Christians who met at a bible study and who center their family life around conservative Christian beliefs and bible study. From a very young age, Eli expressed themself differently than girls, and was only interested in boy things, playing sports and dressing in all boys’ clothes.  Eli’s parents were not at all accepting of their gender-nonconforming child and chose to send Eli to a strict Christian school that focused on teaching the Christian Bible more than subjects like math and science.  Ultimately, at age sixteen, Eli’s parents assigned temporary guardianship to a man referred to as “Big Red” to live in Kauai, Hawaii in his strange religious commune.  Eli’s parents were hoping this experience would cure their child of what they called “struggles with homosexuality.”  Additional chapters illuminate Eli’s pursuit of a professional career in cutting hair and becoming comfortable with themself as queer and non-binary through close friendships, therapy, name-change, testosterone, and more.  My favorite chapters are the ones where Jeff and Eli interact, for the haircuts where they engage in conversation, and the coffee shop meetups where they started collaborating and writing this book together.  

Eli writes, “At the end of the day, we may have our disagreements, but respect and love will continue to lead the way.  Writing together, we were both able to share our authentic selves.  In my opinion, this is where our true friendship began.”  

Together they write, “It is a hope that this book will inspire its readers, at least some of them, to open their eyes wider and look past the exterior of the people they encounter, to a place much deeper.  What they find may just make them feel better about those around them, and perhaps more importantly, better about themselves.”

This book review was submitted by Stand with Trans advocate Barb Shumer, who is a past board member and retired public librarian.

This book review was submitted by Stand with Trans advocate Barb Shumer, who is a past board member and
retired public librarian.