Trans Lifeline Library:
Sexual Violence
Prevention
Resources for the parents/caregivers
of transgender youth & teens
What is Sexual Violence?
What is Sexual Violence?
Resources for Loved Ones of Survivors
Resources for Professionals, Prevention Work
Sexual Violence (SV) is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide variety of nonconsensual, unwanted, and harmful sexual actions that are typically intended to exert power or control over another person. While every state has its nuanced definitions of what constitutes a sexual crime, we are using this term to refer to some of the following things:
Rape: This term is generally used to refer to nonconsensual penetrative (including being forced to penetrate someone else) sexual acts in a legal context. In Michigan, rape and sexual assault are referred to as “Criminal Sexual Conduct”. In this guide, and most of our resources, sexual assault and rape are used interchangeably.
Sexual Assault: Refers to any unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature, including nonconsensual nonpenetrative sex acts, groping, fondling, or any other unwanted touching of a person’s body to sexually gratify the perpetrator. Both sexual assault and rape may be facilitated by the administration of substances, or by the use or threat of violence.
Statutory Rape: A legal term that refers to the sexual engagement of a minor by someone who is over the age of consent, regardless of who initiated it or agreed to it–minors can NOT legally consent to sex with adults. However, some states have what’s known as a “Romeo and Juliet” law to protect young consenting couples who have minor age differences and/or an established relationship before one reaches the age of majority. If you are in one of these “Romeo and Juliet” relationships, you should research the laws where you live to ensure that you’re acting within the confines of the law. Statutory rape charges may be filed by the parents or guardians of the minor, even if it goes against the wishes of the minor.
Sexual Coercion: This refers to manipulation, pressure, deception, or misuse of authority to convince someone to engage in a sexual act that they would not otherwise participate in. This can look like begging someone for sex until they finally “give in”, telling someone that if they loved you they would do certain things for you, or suggesting that one can perform favors academically or professionally in exchange for sexual favors from another.
Sexual Exploitation: The actual or attempted abuse of power, authority, or trust of another person for personal, financial, social, or political gain. This can include things like human trafficking, forcing someone into sex work, or blackmailing someone after a sexual encounter (threatening to expose their gender identity or sexual orientation or threatening to accuse them of a crime unless they pay you/ do your bidding).
Sexual Harassment: The sexually motivated verbal or nonverbal harassment of another individual against their wishes, which is often an ongoing, persistent behavior. This includes acts like repeatedly propositioning someone who has already expressed that they’re not interested in sex or going out together, unwanted touching, targeted sexual innuendo, making suggestive gestures, and offensive jokes that pertain to someone’s sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation.
Sending/Sharing Sexually Explicit Materials: This behavior becomes violent when someone sends explicit messages or photos of their genitals or nude body parts to people who did not ask or consent to receiving them, manipulating someone into sending photos of themself, and the unauthorized distribution or “leaking” of someone else’s nudes, sexual messages, or recordings of a sexual encounter, also known as “revenge porn”. This is ALWAYS a crime when it involves a minor, even if the communications are between minors. If someone asks a minor for a nude photo, they may be charged with soliciting child pornography. If someone who is under 18 takes and sends a nude photo of themself to another person, they have produced and distributed child pornography, and by extension, incriminated the other person as being in possession of child pornography, whether they asked to receive the photo or not. If that photo is then shared with additional people, they can also be held accountable by those solicitation, production, possession, and distribution laws–which often carry hefty legal consequences that include lengthy jail time, fines, and even ending up on a sex offender registry if prosecuted.
It’s important to note that SV may also be a part of other power and control-related crimes, like stalking, intimate partner violence/ domestic violence, and identity-based hate crimes.
Sometimes, people will use drugs known as “roofies” to incapacitate their victim, which may be discreetly slipped into someone’s food or drink. While many of these are odorless, colorless, and tasteless, some of them can cause a salty taste that may be harder to notice in sweeter drinks. If you suspect that you may have been given one of these drugs, you should immediately contact 911 and notify any safe people around you to let them know what happened. Some signs that you may have been roofied include suddenly feeling weak, nauseous, dizzy, lightheaded, sleepy, or extremely drunk (in a way that does not match how much you know you consumed).
Sexual violence can happen to:
- Cisgender and transgender men and male-presenting/identifying folks
- Cisgender and transgender women and female-presenting/identifying folks
- Nonbinary people
- Folks of all identities, ages, orientations, statuses, and levels of privilege
Sexual violence can be committed by:
- Cisgender and transgender men and male-presenting/identifying folks
- Cisgender and transgender women and female-presenting/identifying folks
- Nonbinary people
- Folks of all identities, ages, orientations, statuses, and levels of privilege
Sexual violence is not caused by:
- What someone wears: folks have been assaulted while wearing (or not wearing) just about everything, including club outfits, cartoon-covered child pajamas, baby onesies, performance costumes, old sweatpants, swimsuits, wedding gowns, burqas, formal suits, gym clothes, short shorts, jeans, parkas, pasties, binders, and work uniforms–the garments that someone chooses to wear or not wear is not an invitation to touch them without consent, and modesty does not guarantee safety.
- What someone does for work: sex workers deserve the dignity and respect of not being subjected to sexual violence just because of the way they pay their bills, and to be believed when they come forward about their experiences.
- What someone consumed: some people are assaulted while they’re sober, just like there are folks who are assaulted while they’re under the influence of alcohol or other substances and folks who are unknowingly drugged. Even if someone chooses to drink or do drugs, they’re consenting to experiencing the effects of that substance, they’re NOT consenting to someone taking advantage of their vulnerability while they’re in a chemically altered state.
- Where someone goes: sexual violence can happen anywhere, whether it’s a dark alley, the bathroom at a bar, a well-lit office, your house, a healthcare provider’s office, a place of worship, a friend’s bedroom, the “nice” side of town, the “bad” side of town, a park, a college campus, a rideshare car, a campsite, or any other place that humans can and do visit or inhabit–if someone is motivated to commit an act of sexual violence, any space they’re in can be dangerous.
RAINN–Types of Sexual Violence
RAINN–Practicing Active Bystander Interventions
Planned Parenthood–What Is Sexual and Reproductive Control?
Planned Parenthood–Healthy Relationships
Planned Parenthood–What Makes Relationships Unhealthy?
Love is Respect–Relationship Spectrum
Love is Respect–Physical Boundaries
Love is Respect–Emotional Boundaries
Love Is Respect–Intimate Relationships
Forge Forward–Trans-Specific Power and Control Tactics
Forge Forward–Safe Dating Tips
MOASH–K-5 Consent Toolkit for Michigan Educators, Parents, Caregivers, and Students
MOASH–Sexual Assault Prevention: How You Can Get Involved
The National Resource Center for Reaching Victims–Supporting LGBTQ Youth is Violence Prevention
Department of Justice–National Sex Offender Public Website
Thorne Harbour Health–Power and Control Wheel (LGBT)
Thorne Harbour Health–Equity and Accountability Wheel (LGBT)
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs–Power and Control Wheel (Original)
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs–Equity Wheel (Original)
Consent
Consent is the key to healthy, safe, and respectful sexual interactions, and it is an active and ongoing process! Consent is not optional–proceeding with any type of sexual activity without the consent of everyone involved is the same as sexual assault or rape.
It’s important to remember that while consent can be a combination of verbal and nonverbal cues, a body’s involuntary physiological responses to external stimuli should not be considered affirmative consent. Signs of arousal, like an erection, lubrication, or even an orgasm do NOT mean that the other person likes or wants what is happening.
A popular acronym to help you understand consent is FRIES–consent should be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.
Freely Given: People are enabled to make a choice about consent without feeling pressured, manipulated, coerced, guilty, or uncomfortable. This also means that people are making their choices free from the influence of alcohol or other substances. It is never okay to intentionally try to get someone drunk or high or pursue someone who is drunk or high in an effort to take advantage of their impaired judgment. If someone is approaching you for sex while they’re under the influence, you should safely reject their advances and, if necessary, try to keep them safe until they can sober up.
Reversible: People can withdraw or change their consent at any time, even if they’re both already naked and in the middle of an activity, and even if they’ve consented to something before. If someone says to stop or calls a time-out, you should IMMEDIATELY stop, give them space, check in, and begin after-care if necessary. It doesn’t matter how “close” someone is to an orgasm, and “blue balls” is not a medical emergency–if the other person withdraws consent, that boundary must be respected.
Informed: People can only consent if they’re given all of the facts that they need to make their decision, and if consent is given, it is on the condition of those facts being true/ remaining the same. “Stealthing” is a type of sexual violence that occurs when someone consents to sex under specific terms (like requiring a condom or birth control method), and the other person maliciously and intentionally removes or tampers with the protective method, thereby violating the terms of the consent that was given and nonconsensually exposing them to preventable risks. Further, knowingly concealing a positive HIV or other STI status, or lying about if or when you’ve been tested means that the other person is not able to give informed consent– vital information has been purposefully withheld that could have reasonably influenced their decision. This is also a criminal act in many states.
Enthusiastic: Consent should be affirmative, and the person giving it should seem happy, excited, and confident about it. If someone seems reluctant, frustrated, tired, annoyed, or like they aren’t thrilled about doing something, it’s very likely that they don’t truly want to consent, and you should NOT proceed. This can feel confusing for some folks because they’re hearing a “yes” that doesn’t match up with the other person’s tone or body language. Some people might say “yes” without meaning it because they’re feeling pressured, they might have had previous experiences where they did not feel safe saying “no”, or because they think that they need to say “yes” to please or keep their partner. If you’re not sure that you’re receiving an enthusiastic response, it’s always a good idea to check in and ensure that they’re consenting because they genuinely want to, not because they think they have to.
Specific: Consent for one act is not consent for other acts, and it should never be assumed that if someone consented to something in an earlier encounter, the consent extends to future encounters–even if you’re married or in a relationship.
You should ask for consent before:
- Initiating or escalating any sexual or physical contact
- Sending or sharing nudes, sexually explicit messages, or “sexting”
- Touching someone’s chest, groin, or buttocks
- Removing their clothing or your own
- Engaging in oral sex
- Inserting anything into someone’s body
- Moving between different activities, like switching from vaginal to anal play
- Penetrating or stimulating someone’s anatomy with your anatomy
- Using someone else’s anatomy to penetrate or stimulate your anatomy
- Changing the speed, force, or intensity of your activity
- Switching toys, especially if there’s a size or material difference
- Performing any bondage, dominant/submissive, fantasy, or kink play
- Ejaculating in or on someone
Several other things should also be discussed as a part of getting consent, especially when it comes to trans folks and trauma survivors:
- What language someone prefers to use for their body parts or during “dirty talk”, and what terms might cause them discomfort or dysphoria
- Take turns sharing your HIV/STI status, when you were last tested and how many partners you’ve had since then, what your safe sex practices look like (like taking PrEP), and what you can agree on in regards to protection and/or birth control (gender-affirming hormone therapy is NOT birth control)
- What level of undress the other person is comfortable with–some folks prefer to keep their binders or shirts on
- What might make someone feel more comfortable, like preferring the lights on or off, having background music, etc.
- If there are any “hard no’s” that you should know about in advance–for example, some trans women do not want to use their anatomy for penetration, some trans men do not want their chest touched at all, and some people exclusively want “vanilla”, or more conventional, sex
- If there is anything that might be triggering to them, and how you can care for them if that happens
- Safe words– “pineapple” is a classic, but some people prefer to just use “no” or “stop” to avoid any confusion
- What people’s after-care needs are so they feel respected and cared for
HuffPost–35 Sexy Ways to Ask for Consent
RAINN–How to Respond if Someone Is Pressuring You
Resources for Survivors
You are not alone.
It was NEVER your fault. You did not assault yourself. It was not your fault that someone targeted you to be the recipient of their violence, or their attempt at exerting control over you, or their sense of entitlement to the body of another. There are so many things that survivors feel that they could have done differently– “Maybe if I had done X, or not done Y, it would have changed things”. Please, don’t do that to yourself–torturing yourself with misplaced blame won’t rewrite what happened to you or bring you peace. Someone else chose to disregard your humanity, dignity, and bodily autonomy for their own selfish or hateful purposes. That person is the one who carries 100% of the blame for the harm they caused, full stop.
Some survivors struggle with feelings of shame and confusion about how or why their bodies might have responded in certain ways to an assault. The presence of an erection, lubrication, or an orgasm does NOT mean that you liked or wanted something to happen. Those are involuntary, physiological responses to external stimuli, they are not your fault, and they do not make what happened to you any less real.
Being trans can add a layer of complexity to sexual violence. You may have had your sex or gender weaponized against you in any number of ways, and that can be difficult to process. You may find that speaking with a therapist who is knowledgeable about trauma and trans issues can help navigate the feelings and messages you may be working through.
Forge Forward–Transgender Sexual Violence Survivors: A Self-Help Guide to Healing and Understanding
Forge Forward–Let’s Talk About It: A Transgender Survivor’s Guide to Accessing Therapy
Michigan Coalition to End Domestic and Sexual Violence–Survivor’s Handbook
Planned Parenthood–What Should I Do if I or Someone I Know Was Sexually Assaulted?
State of Michigan–Sexual Assault and Abuse, Legal Options and Rights
State of Michigan–Information for Survivors (Hotline and Resource Search by County)
Michigan State University–Common Reactions, and Coping with Common Reactions
Michigan State University–Trauma Responses
RAINN–Reporting and the Criminal Justice System
RAINN–LGBTQ Survivors of Sexual Violence
RAINN–Telling Loved Ones About Sexual Assault
RAINN–Sexual Abuse by Medical Professionals
RAINN–Sexual Assault of Men and Boys
Just Detention International–Resource Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse Behind Bars
Thorne Harbour Health–Power and Control Wheel (LGBT)
Thorne Harbour Health–Equity and Accountability Wheel (LGBT)
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs–Power and Control Wheel (Original)
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs–Equity Wheel (Original)
Resources for Loved Ones of Survivors
It can be hard to know how to best support someone when you find out that they’ve been a victim of sexual violence, especially when their identity or the identity of their attacker doesn’t match with what you think of when you think of sexual violence. One of the best things you can do is to tell them that you believe them, that you’re here for them, and that it wasn’t their fault.
Forge Forward–A Guide for Partners and Loved Ones of Transgender Sexual Violence Survivors
Planned Parenthood–What Should I Do if I or Someone I Know Was Sexually Assaulted?
Michigan State University–How To Be Supportive, Sexual Assault Information for Friends and Family
Resources for Professionals, Prevention Work
Professionals would benefit from ensuring that trans folks are welcome in their spaces and that they feel comfortable accessing the services available to them. Creating support groups for trans survivors, transitioning away from women-only language when advertising a crisis center or support services, and creating inclusive programs are all great ways to reach survivors.
State of Michigan–Professional Training and Resources
Love is Respect–Parent Discussion Guide on Youth Healthy Relationships
Committee for Children–Early, Open, Often Prevention Toolkit
National Domestic Violence Hotline–Is Change Possible in an Abuser?
State of Michigan–Batterer Intervention Programs
The National Resource Center for Reaching Victims–Supporting LGBTQ Youth is Violence Prevention
Forge Forward–Safe Dating Tips
RAINN–Practicing Active Bystander Interventions
Office for Victims of Crime–Responding to Transgender Victims of Sexual Assault: Preferred Language
Office for Victims of Crime–Responding to Transgender Victims of Sexual Assault: Body Image
Office for Victims of Crime–Responding to Transgender Victims of Sexual Assault: Sexuality
Office for Victims of Crime–Responding to Transgender Victims of Sexual Assault: Relationships
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