A period can be an uncomfortable part of anyone’s life, but it can trigger dysphoria that is especially difficult or disabling for some trans folks. Your friend/ loved one may be struggling with not only physical discomfort, but also the emotional impact of their body doing something that feels in conflict with their gender.

Here are some tips to help you learn how to support your trans person who menstruates:

• Reflect on the language you use to discuss periods and the cultural associations you may attach to them, especially if you’re a parent or care provider of a younger child who may be starting to experience or ask questions about puberty. Menstruation is not something that determines if you’re a woman or not (if that was the case, cis menopausal women and those who have had a hysterectomy would not meet that narrow definition), and a first period is not the thing that marks an entrance to adult womanhood–just another stage of pubertal development (Tanner Stage IV).
• If possible, try to frame the discussion around menstruation as a natural process that happens to people who are born with a particular set of internal organs, and a period doesn’t have to mean anything other than the fact that those organs are present and functioning. 
• In some families, a first period is considered a milestone of their child’s development. If your child seems uncomfortable about drawing attention to this part of their puberty experience for any reason, even one unrelated to gender, don’t force it–instead of focusing on their period (a bodily function they did not choose and have no control over) as a marker of growing up or “becoming a woman” (which carries heavy implications to put on any child that may experience menarche as early as age 8), consider recentering any “first period traditions” around acknowledging the child’s growth as a whole person or finding an alternative milestone that they would be more comfortable or happy about acknowledging.
• Adjust other gendered language around menstruation–instead of “feminine hygiene products”, for example, you could say “menstruation hygiene products”, “period products”, or simply “hygiene products”.
• Try to not assume what the trans person needs or is going through, and be willing to find out what your specific person might need support for. While some folks will struggle with periods because it triggers dysphoria for them, there are others who struggle because they’re experiencing medical conditions that correlate to painful menstruation, some who experience more anxiety than usual around using the men’s restroom while they’re managing a period, and others who do not experience distress but would still like to feel cared for as people. 
• While many stores and brands have made strides towards changing labels and packaging to be less gendered (pink), shopping in person for things like pads and tampons can be a deeply uncomfortable experience if someone is worried about being outed or misgendered if they’re seen purchasing those items. Offering to pick up these products (and maybe some treats or a heating pad) for your trans person will go a long way towards making them feel seen and cared for.
• Try to find meaningful ways to affirm and validate your trans person’s identity–if you aren’t sure what would be helpful, don’t be afraid to ask them! For example, a lighthearted “such a boy”, a loving “you’re my guy”, or a gently teasing “typical man” joke (if that’s how your person identifies) can reassure some folks that the people around them don’t see menstruation as something that invalidates their identity or makes them “less than” other guys, while other trans folks might enjoy a pizza and video game night with supportive friends to show them some love and help distract them from what’s happening with their body. 
• Avoid challenging or weaponizing their masculinity or masculine identity against them as a way to insult them or as a means of dismissing their needs, discomfort/ dysphoria, or physical pain during a menstrual cycle. This includes statements like “man up and tough it out”, “boys don’t cry”, “stop acting like a girl”, anything related to “proof of being a woman”, intentional misgendering, and anything meant to invalidate their identity, pain, or emotions that contains the words “real man”. This also includes examining your own internal biases to determine if you negatively judge or minimize other people’s physical, mental or emotional experiences based on stereotypes about gender and/or race in other relationships or spaces in your life. When in doubt, compassion and silence are both free. 
• When this kind of transphobia and sexism happens on a personal level, it only serves to perpetuate unnecessary cruelty and toxic stereotypes about masculinity/manhood, cause harm in the relationship, and indicates a belief that the criteria for how much kindness someone deserves to receive can be reduced down to which organs or genes they do or don’t have.
• When this hostility or dismissiveness happens in a medical setting, it can lead to poorer health outcomes and delays in testing, diagnosis, or treatment for conditions like endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), uterine fibroids, and pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). 
• Create space for emotions and conversations that might come up, particularly during or about PMS and menstruation. Don’t be shy about offering reassurance, a shoulder to cry on, or space to vent if that’s what your person needs. Simply being present can be a much-needed act of love.

Clue–How to Support Transgender People During Their Periods

Clue–What It’s Like To Get Your Period When You’re Trans

Back to Healthcare