If you don’t feel safe coming out, you can still access affirming support. Stand With Trans’ Ally Parent program is a great option if you’d like to talk to a parent of another trans youth about what you’re going through. We also have support groups, both online and in person, that may help you feel less isolated if you have access to transportation or safe technology.

You can still tap into online communities. For example, there are many Facebook groups, Trevorspace is a type of social media for queer LGBTQIA+ youth, and other various online communities exist for your benefit. If you’re concerned about your internet or technology use being monitored, you can often access these options from places like the library or community drop-in centers.

If your online activity is monitored by parents who may not be supportive of your gender identity, it’s important to understand that incognito/private browsing modes don’t hide your activity from your wi-fi network, just your browsing history/cookies–any websites you visit can still be seen by the adults in charge of managing the wi-fi network, so use caution or other technology access points if this could lead to conflict/being outed.

Don’t lose hope! Not being able to come out right now does not mean that you’ll never get to come out, it just means that you’re stuck waiting for now. This can be a good time to start working on building up the kind of stability and safety that you’d need to have in order to feel comfortable coming out–can you keep yourself busy with an after-school job to start saving for your own expenses? Are there relationships you can nourish in order to maintain or build your support network? Are there more affirming places you might want to move to that you can spend some time learning about/exploring?

Resources:

                                Forge–Safety Planning Guide

                                Healthline–20 Things to Know Before You Come Out and How to Go About It

                                Them–The Safety, Privilege, and Invisibility I Found Living Stealth

Stand With Trans–Ally Parent Program

Stand With Trans–Support Groups

Cosmopolitan–You Don’t Have To “Come Out” If You’re LGBTQ+: Here’s Why

KidsHealth–Coping With Stressful Situations

KidsHealth–How to Live A Happy Life

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